How important do you think “soft skills” are for your child’s future success and happiness? Most parents would agree that soft skills are essential. But how critical are they in today’s shifting economic and cultural landscape?
What we knew as soft skills in the past are now essential and critical social-emotional skills for today. And while there is a growing number of organizations (like this one here), that are partnering with schools with research and tools for social-emotional learning (SEL), we believe the opportunity is to start right at home—with the parents first.
Social-Emotional Skills for Kids
There is a great deal of research that defines the core social-emotional skills that every child should learn. According to the National Mentoring Resource Center, these skills help children, “recognize and control their emotions and behaviors; establish and maintain positive relationships; make responsible decisions and solve challenging situations; and set and achieve positive goals.” And when it comes to assessing social-emotional competence, organizations like Kickboard measure eight dimensions such as:
Self-awareness
Self-management
Social-awareness
Relationship skills
Goal-directed behavior
Personal responsibility
Decision-making
Optimistic thinking
The question to ponder is how much, as parents today, should you rely on your school to teach these social-emotional skills to your children? We know many schools are making valiant efforts to include social-emotional outcomes in their curriculum. But is it enough?
Social-Emotional Skills for Adults
Based on the above list, one can argue that the same social-emotional skills apply to adults. We think this is the opportunity. Parents and children can learn them together.
There is a part of your brain that manages the highest levels of executive function and social-emotional skills—located in the prefrontal cortex. The best part is, this area of your brain keeps growing for your entire life. In other words, you will never stop being a student of social-emotional learning.
Social-Emotional Skills Discussions
Here’s how you, the parent, can start teaching your children social-emotional skills, while bolstering your own. It involves having intentional discussions around the eight-core social-emotional skill competences. Try tackling one discussion topic per week and then repeat the conversations to follow up.
Social-Emotional Skill Topic1: Self-Awareness
What are your strengths, weaknesses, and desired areas for development? Explain them to your child in a way they will understand. Then ask them what they think their strengths, weaknesses, and areas of improvement are, one-at-a-time. Agree on an action plan for how both of you will improve and have a followup discussion.
Social-Emotional Skill Topic 2: Self-Management
How successful are you at controlling your own emotions and behaviors to complete tasks or tackle hard things? What is the difference between a problem and a challenge to you? Share stories of success and humbling experiences where you didn’t manage yourself very well. Have your child share their own stories from the past. Then create a plan together on how to do differently in the future.
Social-Emotional Skill Topic 3: Social-Awareness
How do you try to interact with others with respect, collaboration, and tolerance? What are some other values you apply in all your relationships? Create a list of them and share them with your child. Discuss what each might look like in their own lives. Let your child nominate their values. Keep the list handy and praise them whenever you see them exemplifying one of the values.
Social-Emotional Skill Topic 4: Relationship Skills
What does it mean to be socially appropriate and manage positive connections with others? How meaningful are those relationships to you? Share these relationships with the child and have them identify their core relationships. Create a mind-map of relationships and review them regularly.
Social-Emotional Skill Topic 5: Goal-Directed Behavior
What goals do you have, and what degrees of difficulty do they represent? How are you persistent with each of them? How much does it take to complete each? Share with your child how you feel and what rewards come from the harder challenges. Help your child set their own goals—starting small—and discuss how it feels after they have met them. Discuss what they learned and how they can improve to establish a more challenging goal.
Social-Emotional Skill Topic 6: Personal Responsibility
How do you take responsibility for your actions and the consequences? How reliable and dependable do you want to be for others? Share stories of how you take responsibility and what it means when you fall short of your commitments. Give feedback to your child and discuss how they can take more responsibility.
Social-Emotional Skill Topic 7: Decision-Making
How do you approach problems and decide on appropriate solutions? What lessons have you learned and from whom? Who do you go to for help? How do you take responsibility for the outcome? Tell your child stories about decisions you made starting with the problem, the approach, solution, and evaluation of the result. Use the same model to break down an important decision for your child.
Social-Emotional Skill Topic 8: Optimistic Thinking
How positive, hopeful, and confident are you in your future? How do you reframe past defeats to become opportunities for victory in the future? How does it affect how you see yourself as a person? Share how optimistic you are for your child’s future. Acknowledge their past defeats but reframe them for future victories. Celebrate the small wins always.
Try these topics for the next eight weeks. Set a date with your children to make it a special time just for them. Watch what happens, not only in their lives but yours as well.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to talk to your children and coach them for social-emotional development, check out our free EQ mini-course. Also, we’re certifying parents, teachers, and leaders on how we combine game dynamics and brain science for social-emotional development. Consider joining us for a demo or free certification introductory training.